


Cold in my Professions

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, its pine time, like a lot of hurt/comfort, they will smooch eventually just let me get there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25142053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A few weeks later Alex told John that he was going out with his friends.John was unaware that Alex had any friends.Alex clarified for him that they were actually more like his mortal enemies and that they were from the newspaper and that he would be home by midnight.Was John bitter that he was not invited? Yes. Did he want to hang out with a bunch of Alexander Hamiltons all arguing with each other? No.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Comments: 39
Kudos: 69





	1. john meets alex

Do you know those little forms your college makes you fill out so that they know what kind of person to room you with? It might ask you about your personality type or when you go to bed. Utter bullshit. They probably don't even read them. At least that's what John Laurens was convinced of because his roommate was his exact fucking opposite. And probably an alien. 

When John first arrived at their shared living space there was no trace of human life. The dorm opened into a small kitchenette and a micro-sized living space that included (1) beat-up couch. John opened a door to the double bedroom that had two loft beds with desks under them. One of the desks was perfectly clean, but the other looked like a bureaucratic bomb went off on it. Papers and books with worn covers and fountain pens, it looked like a senator gone crazy had been working there for weeks even though that day had been the first move-in day. Different solutions ran through his head, maybe a really educated squatter? Or maybe last year's students had left it and the cleaners just,,,missed it? 

And then John didn't have to wonder anymore when the door swung open and _he _walked through. A short guy with long black hair pulled into a hasty bun, he had dark under-eyes and looked like he hadn't slept in like 100 years. There was something about him that endeared John. He looked taken aback by John's presence like he had forgotten that roommates were a thing that existed.__

____

"Oh! Hi, you must be my roommate, Alex, right? I'm John Laurens." John said as sweet as ever offering him a handshake.

____

Alex seemed to give John a once over and then took his hand, "Alexander Hamilton, most people just call me Hamilton, a pleasure." 

____

Who the fuck says 'a pleasure'? 

____

"Yours?" John said throwing his thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of the desk.

____

He looked at the absolute disaster and his cheeks colored, "Mhm sorry about that I guess I didn't notice." 

____

Alex returned to his desk and started madly scribbling into a notebook that looked like it would fall apart if you blew on it too hard. John wondered how the fuck he didn't notice. John slowly unpacked his things and when he realized that Alex probably wasn't planning on acknowledging him again he decided that he would go looking for Hercules and Lafayette. 

____

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Montier, Marquis de La Fayette and Hercules Mulligan were John's annoying (and only) friends enrolled at King's College. John had actually met Hercules in his freshman year of high school and they had stuck together ever since. Lafayette was Hercules's aggressively french boyfriend that they had met in their senior year when he transferred to the US. They had all applied together and by a wing and a prayer, all got in. But when the roommate situation came around, Laf played the boyfriend card and John was thrown to the dogs. 

____

John knew that they were in the same building as him, but neither of them thought to give him the room number. So he sat on the shitty couch that the university hath bestowed to him and shot a text to Mulligan.

____

Johnny-boy: hey uh where is ur room?? want to visit

____

Tailor-swift: yoooooo its room number 178 ur roomie not the social type?

____

Johnny-boy: lmao no possibly a robot

____

Tailor-swift: lol gl with that ur welcome at ours anytime! but especially now laf misses u

____

Johnny-boy: yeah im sure its just laf lol im omw

____

"Hey I'm gonna go hang with some friends, alright? I'll see you later." John said, Alex didn't break from the book he was now reading when he nodded. 

____

So John left his dorm, practically skipping down the hall. Oh how he longed for human interaction that involved more than just nods and half-hearted "mhms".

____

After getting lost due to the endless amounts of hallways and John's very masculine aversion to asking directions, he found room number 178 and knocked.

____

"John! Mon rayon de Soleil! Please come in, mon ami, it has been too long since I have seen you!" Laf said with a huge smile on his face and then kissed both his cheeks like a mother. 

____

John giggled, "Laf I saw you yesterday." that earned a mumbled, "still too long."

____

He followed Laf into the dorm that was very similar to the one he shared with Alex. 

____

"Mon beau is taking a shower but please John, do tell me about your roommate." Laf said sitting on the couch.

____

"He's,,,,,weird I don't know he seems super smart but smart in the way that he's kinda subhuman ya know?."

____

"Ah yes but more importantly, do you think he's handsome?" Laf smirked and winked, damn frenchmen.

____

John felt his face heat up, but his embarrassment was rudely interrupted by Hercules finally made an entrance. "John! My man how have you been!"

____

"Ah Mon Chou! Our John was just telling us about his handsome roommate!" 

____

"I never said that he was handsome!" Laf and Mulligan looked at him expectantly, "but okay he is handsome."

____

John and Laf and Hercules talked for a while more on that shitty couch. Soon it got pretty late and John said goodbye to them both and received an order to come back soon. They truly were like stand-in parents. 

____

When he got back to his dorm Alex was passed out at his desk.

____

Who the fuck is this kid?

____

***

____

A few months passed and John had grown to love watching Alex. Even though Alex didn't really talk to him and had probably not added his number to his phone even after John wrote it on a sticky note and stuck it to the fridge door, he felt like he kind of knew the kid. 

____

And Jesus Christ was he a human disaster. Alex barely slept. John fell asleep when he was awake typing aggressively on his poor laptop and he would wake up and Alex would be gone. It probably wouldn't be humanly possible for him to function if not for coffee. John even saw him mixing coffee with Redbull on more than one occasion. He was constantly writing things down, either on his laptop or his notebook or on little scraps of paper, it was like every single thought that came to his mind was recorded. John never got the chance to read any of them though because every remnant of Alex's brain was shoved into a drawer or a folder or his bag. And Alex was always working on something, and John knew it wasn't possibly homework no professor is that cruel. 

____

It was like Hamilton was a well-oiled machine.

____

Well that was until the night of the storm. 

____

John had been out drinking with Laf and Mulligan the night it happened, it started sprinkling earlier in the day and John did not fail to notice Alex frantically looking out the window every ten minutes. When he asked about it Alex assured him it was nothing. John was not convinced and he had a bad feeling that he couldn't shake. But he went out anyway, and he regrets that to this day. 

____

The rain picked up throughout the day and turned into a pretty nasty storm.

____

He staggered home very wet, convinced he was not, in fact, drunk and entered his dorm to absolutely no Alex.

____

"'Lex?" He slurred, stumbling into the bedroom again not finding Alex. He slumped onto his bed, drunk and defeated after seemingly misplacing his roommate. 

____

Then thunder boomed outside and a gasp was heard from inside of Alex's closet. Confusion filled poor inebriated John's brain as he opened the wardrobe revealing Alex in a state that sobered him instantly. 

____

Alex was sitting with his legs pulled up to his chin. He looks absolutely paralyzed, tears streaming down his face and his hand covering his mouth. And oh my god was he shaking, it broke John's heart and Jesus they weren't even friends. 

____

"Alex? Oh my God are you okay?!" Alex didn't respond as John crouched in front of him, "Alex?! oh god Alex please look at me."

____

Alex shook his head and let out a sob.

____

"It's okay, it's gonna be okay." John said mostly for himself as he touched Alex's face and rubbed tiny circles into his hand.

____

"Okay okay okay uh breathing okay Alex we're gonna breathe okay?"

____

John counted and breathed up and down with him and slowly but surely got Alex to calm down. He got a still very shaken up Alex to get out of the closet and lay in bed. He gave Alex his (very) old iPod touch with only Laf's french pop music on it so that he couldn't hear the storm anymore. 

____

If John, still very drunk by the way, whispered "please sleep 'Lex" and kissed his forehead, that was his secret to tell. 

____

John woke up to no Alex, but a glass of water and Advil on his desk with a note attached. It read in very tight handwriting,

____

Sorry about last night

____

Thank you,

____

A. Ham

____

Everything changed after that.

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot? wtf is plot i only know mmm words
> 
> also mon rayon de soleil=my ray of sunshine  
> mon beau=my handsome  
> mon chou=my cabbage (its a term of endearment i swear the french are fucking weird just look at their number system)


	2. alex has feelings

If there was one thing that Alexander Hamilton knew, it was that he hated John Laurens.

He hated the way he left his clothes on the floor and always left his drawers open. He hated the way he would come home drunk just a little too often. He hated the way John would talk to him even though he knew that Alex wouldn't answer. He hated the way that he used way too much hazelnut creamer in his coffee, like black is the only civilized way to drink it! He hated the way that he would be sure to make Alex coffee in the morning. He hated his stupid face and how it would crinkle up when he was thinking too hard about something. He hated how sometimes he would call him "Lex" like what a stupid nickname. He really hated his stupid pretty freckles. He couldn't stand the fact that he really wanted to grab John's face and kiss him and make him his.

Eliza said it was called a 'crush'.

What does Eliza know anyway.

Ever since the storm, Alex hated him a bit more. He was sure the only reason that John helped him was because he was drunk out of his mind. But that didn't stop the words "please sleep 'Lex" from keeping him up at night. Which was kinda ironic. 

Ever since that night Alex noticed that John changed a bit too. There were more worrying glances thrown his way that reminded him just a little bit of Eliza. John went out less and tried to talk to Alex more. He overheard a phone call made to what Alex presumed was his friend, "Sorry Laf I can't make it I just have way too much homework you know how it is!" John did not have any homework, in fact, he didn't have anything to do. He just sat on his bed and read a law book that Alex knew belonged to him. But he let it slide.

Days passed and there still a very big elephant in their very small dorm and neither of them had addressed it yet.

That was until, "Yo Lex, what was the whole storm thing about?" and Alex was torn very violently out his book. 

What was Alex gonna tell him? Lie? Underplay the whole thing? He surely didn't owe John the truth, did he? How would John react when he learned how messed up Alex really was. Would he still look at him the way he did now if he knew about the hurricane? His mother and his cousin? The way he was still a little scared of big men after the foster homes? 

He couldn't respond, but his breathing sped up without his permission. God, he hated the way his blood felt like it was freezing over. Alex's quiet immediately caught John's attention.

"Whoa you totally don't have to tell me," John said climbing off his bed. He rested his hand on Alex's shoulder, how the hell did he know that physical contact calmed him down? Fucking psychic. "I was just wondering that's all, you really don't have to tell me."

Alex desperately wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him everything, but he knew that he shouldn't. John wouldn't want to carry all his baggage, but he should tell him this one thing. Alex owed him that.

"I grew up in the Caribbean. There was a hurricane, destroyed my whole town. I've been scared of storms ever since. I usually just sit in a closet and wait for them to pass."

John clearly didn't know how to respond. He ran a hand through his hair. Nervous tick. 

"God that's terrible Lex I'm so sorry," John said, "But tell you what I'll keep an eye on the forecast."

What the fuck. Why? thought Alex.

"What the fuck. Why?" said Alex.

John chuckled the prettiest chuckle that has ever been chuckled, "So that I can sit in that closet with you."

Alex hated the way that made his chest feel. 

***

John finally figured out what Alex was constantly working on. 

Alex was a writer and editor for the school newspaper, which John had no idea existed. Now that he did he read every issue, not for Alex of course. He was a just a diligent member of the student of the body, even though he skipped every article that didn't have Alex's name on it. 

And, oh my God, Alex was a great writer. John kind of knew that already but never actually read any of his writing. It was passionate and aggressive and scalding, John wondered if this what Alex was truly like. If it was, John wanted robot-Alex to be comfortable enough to be written-Alex around him.

Ask and thou shall receive. Every time John asked him about the newspaper Alex turned into written-Alex. It was like a fire was lit behind his eyes as he answered John's question or responded to his thought. John fell in love with written-Alex and the way he would wave his hands around when explaining the article he was working on. Even though he enjoyed this side to him he had a growing fear that he had just become something for Alex to bounce ideas off of. Nothing more. 

One day Alex stormed into their dorm, face red and fuming. The newest newspaper crumpled in his hand. 

"'Lex? What's wrong?" John asked. He had never seen Alex this angry, or angry at all. 

"This!" He said through his teeth, tossing the newspaper on his lap. 

The article open read,

Why Businesses Should Be Welcome to Refuse Homosexual Clients  
By Samuel Seabury

John didn't even get the chance to read past the title before Alex exclaimed, "How could Washington publish this?! He knows the number of queer students that go here, how fucking dare he make them feel unwelcome!"

He didn't know who Washington was but John decided he was also angry at him. 

"Well have you asked him about it?"

"Yes! I did when Sam tried to get me to edit it for him, which I refused by the way, and he said that we have to 'tell both sides' whatever the fuck that means." Alex was now pacing, which he did quite often. He mostly did it at 3 am, John was afraid he would create a hole into the floor. 

"Is Washington, like, homophobic or something?" John asked, and Alex shot an almost offended look his way. 

"No, and that's the thing. Washington's super inclusive so I can't figure out why he would let something like this into the paper!" Alex let out a frustrated sigh and then threw himself onto the couch, "And I can't even do anything about it!"

John wanted desperately to make Alex's disappointed demeanor to go away so he said, "Well, uh, maybe you can write a rebuttal or something?"

Alex lit up like a Christmas tree and looked at John with a face that John never wanted to go away, "Oh my god John, you're a fucking genius!" With that, he sprung up and ran to his desk and started typing the most offensive essay he could think of. 

In the other room, John sighed and started a new batch of coffee.

This was going to be a long night.


	3. alex gets yelled at

Not many people usually visited their dorm. But that week their room was apparently the place to be.

And yeah, John read the rebuttal. And, oh my god, it was insulting. 

It ripped not only his article but Samuel Seabury himself to absolute shreds. John actually felt kind of offended after he read it and it wasn't even directed at him. Alex didn't put it in the newspaper because, quote, "Washington would never let me publish something like this." Instead, he posted it on the newspaper's website which someone unwisely gave him the password to.

Alex spent all night on it and John swore he heard him laugh at his own burns. Up till then, nothing had come of it, that was until a visit from the one and only Aaron Burr. 

When he politely knocked on the door, Alex was (like always) working on something. So John got the door. 

Aaron Burr stood on their doorstep looking very irritated. John's first impression of him was "stuffy trust fund baby". He was wearing an uncomfortable-looking button-up and stood like a butler.

"Hi, uh, can I help you?"

"Yes, actually I believe Hamilton lives here?" He had spoken exactly seven words and John sort of wanted to punch his posh mouth.

"Yeah, I'll get him," John opened their shared bedroom, "Hey 'Lex, there's someone here for you?"

Alex nodded and waved his hand at him, "Yeah I'm sure just let me finish this." Fucking prick.

So John invited him in and offered him something to drink. Burr turned him down, but his eyes were still glued to John like he had grown another head or something. Finally, after some terrible silence, Sir Hamilton exited his private chambers.

"Burr," he said

"Hamilton," Burr responded, and then they shook hands. 

Then Burr broke the professional air with, "He calls you Lex?" and that felt like an invitation for John to leave.

But that didn't stop him from eavesdropping from inside the impossibly thin walls. 

"Piss off."

"No, you piss off Alexander!" John definitely wanted to punch him now, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that he had it coming," Alex shot back, "If he didn't want me to reply he shouldn't have made his stupid ass opinions public."

"It wasn't a reply Hamilton, it was a smear and you know it." Burr exclaimed, "Washington is losing his shit!"

"Let him! He should have been as pissed about Seabury's initial article."

"Well, he wasn't, and do you know why?" Burr sounded like a scolding kindergarten teacher, "Because Seabury was actually civil."

"You call that Civil?!"

Burr sighed very loudly, "Yes Hamilton! For how smart you think you are you sure do act like a fucking idiot!"

 _Whoops,_ Burr had crossed a line. 

John threw the bedroom door open, and with his best scary man voice said, "Alright! I think it's time you left."

Alex looked at him stunned but Burr just looked at him annoyed. Then he turned to Alex and said, "You really should get your guard dog checked for fleas." and then left.

Like an asshole.

***

Their next visitor was a less pleasant one if you can imagine that.

The knock came a few hours after Burr's. John opened the door to a very impressive man, he towered over John and he liked to think he was pretty tall. 

"Hello son, you must be Alexander's roommate." The man said, his voice reminded John of his father's, "I'm Professor Washington and I supervise the school paper. I need to talk to Mr. Hamilton immediately." He said this with a strained smile, trying his very best to be pleasant to John.

"Of Course, uh, I'll go get him," John again opened his bedroom door wondering if he was Alex's secretary, "Hey there's someone to see you."

"Give me a sec."

"Alex it's Washington."Uh oh, that got his attention. Alex stiffened and with a reinvigorated sense of urgency went to greet his superior.

"Sir," he said with timidness John had never seen before. 

"Alexander you know why I'm here." 

"Yes, of course, sir, I know you're against rebuttals but-"

"That was in no way a rebuttal. That was a direct attack against a fellow student." Washington was holding back but John could tell that he was absolutely furious. 

"You saw what he wrote!" Alex asserted, "I had to say _something_."

"No, you actually didn't," Washington's patience was wearing thin, "You embarrassed me! You embarrassed yourself, son!"

Something changed in Alex. Like Washington had pushed a certain button that had "do not push" written all over it. "Don't call me _son_."

"You have to think before you speak Alexander!"

"I assure you, I did think sir." Alex growled, "I thought a lot, my main thought was how the hell you would allow that bullshit to be put out there!"

"Because! We can't be biased! You know that!" It was clear that Alex didn't know that, "There are other opinions that exist other than yours. You need to learn that before you can become anything son!"

Breaking point. 

"I fucking dare you," Alex spat, John knew this wasn't gonna be good, "Call me son **one more time.** "

Silence. Terrible terrible silence.

"You're benched, Alexander." Washington refused to look Alex in the eye.

Alex recoiled, "I- what?" 

"You're benched," Alex looked like he was gonna cry, "No writing no editing no nothing."

"But sir-"

"That's final" and Washington left. 

Alex just stood there frozen for a second, then he sat down on their couch, let out a terrible breath, and started to cry. John (acting fully on intuition) sat next to him and started to rub his back as he sobbed because, what else could he do? Alex flinched like he forgot John was there but then leaned into his touch. Soon Alex curled into him, his hands gripping the front of John's shirt and his face buried into his chest. John decided he hated the way Alex cried because it reminded him so damn much of his mother. 

They stayed like that for what felt like forever. John didn't even remember falling asleep.

But when he woke up there was absolutely no Alex, but there was a blanket draped over him. On the counter, there was a cup of coffee with a note stuck to it. It said in Alex's handwriting,

Sorry...again

-Alex

John did not miss the lack of formality in the note or the fact that Alex had put just the right amount of creamer in his coffee.

***

When they first started rooming together John had wished that Alex would stop working and start paying attention to him. John cursed his young naive self because past-John had not yet experience Alex when he had nothing to do.

John really liked Alex but Christ he could be annoying, it was like he was unable to relax. Apparently, Alex had "finished his school work ages ago" to focus on the newspaper, but now that he was "benched" he quickly became bored. And it was John's job to entertain him.

"Joooooohn," Alex whined, "I'm so booooored."

"I know Alex." then an idea sprung to his mind, "Do you want to edit my lit essay?"

"Oh god yes!" It was like John had just offered him a million dollars.

"It's in my bag," Alex sprung up like a kid on Christmas. That was when their third visitor lightly knocked on the door. 

John got up to get the door because hey, maybe it could possibly be for him. 

It was not.

"Hi! You must be John it's so nice to meet you!" said a gentle-looking woman with long black hair. She greeted him with the warmth of an old friend even though John had never seen this person before. 

"Yeah..." John trailed off, he had no idea what to say. 

"Oh I'm sorry does Alexander Hamilton live here? I could have gotten the door number wrong."

"No, you're totally right," John said, "You're not here to yell at him are you?"

She giggled, "Oh no not yet!" Something behind him caught her attention, "Alex!"

John turned around to see Alex who was sporting the biggest smile ever.

"Eliza!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear that laf and hercules will come back i just needed to progress john and alex's relationship a little more


	4. alex and eliza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to be clear there is nothing romantic between Eliza and Alex just fluffy friendship

Alex and Eliza hugged each other for a couple of minutes before he finally introduced her to John. 

He introduced her as his best friend ever and nothing more, and thankfully Eliza followed his lead because he wasn't ready to reveal the "foster sister" part yet. John introduced himself to Eliza even though he really didn't need to because she pretty much knew everything about him at that point.

Because Alex only texted Eliza and never shut up about his roommate.

John asked Eliza if she wanted anything to drink, she asked if they had tea. They did, even though neither of them liked it, and John hadn't bought it so he figured that Alex had especially for her. 

"So how long have you been friends?" John asked, desperately wanting Alex and Eliza to pay attention to him.

"Oh forever!" Eliza exclaimed, looking at Alex with the fondness that she had exclusively for him.

And she wasn't exactly wrong, Alex didn't want to think about his life before Eliza. After his cousin died, Alex was put in his first foster home. His foster mother was an ancient woman named Miss Susan and Eliza was the only other foster child she had. Alex didn't like Miss Susan, she smelt like a hospital and was probably the most condescending person he had ever met. After Miss Susan died the foster system always moved Alex and Eliza together. He became her defender, fighting anyone who even looked at her wrong. Together, he and Eliza had made it through hell and back.

After their last placement, which was a lot more violent than the others, Alex came out a little different. His flame had been blown out, he had become quiet and complacent. He didn't want to fight or make friends anymore, he just wanted to work. Eliza worried about him more than she ever had before.

"So Eliza, do you go here?" John asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh no, I go to school in Virginia I'm just here to visit," She said, "I'm studying to become a kindergarten teacher." John barely knew her but he knew that there wasn't a better job for Eliza. 

"I know that Alex is a law student, but what are you studying John?" 

"Veterinary Medicine." 

Eliza smiled, "Oh that's lovely!"

They talked for a while more but soon it was time for Eliza to leave. Alex seemed like a child being left at preschool by his mom, which made John kind of jealous. Was he not enough?

Alex went to walk Eliza to her car, but Eliza stayed behind.

"I'm not supposed to tell but Alex is very fond of you, John." She said with a smile. That caught him off guard.

"R-Really?" John cursed his sudden inability to speak.

She giggled, "Yes, very." and then without answering any of his questions, she followed Alex to her car.

***

A few weeks later Alex told John that he was going out with his friends.

John was unaware that Alex had any friends.

Alex clarified for him that they were actually more like his mortal enemies and that they were from the newspaper and that he would be home by midnight. 

Was John bitter that he was not invited? Yes. Did he want to hang out with a bunch of Alexander Hamiltons all arguing with each other? No.

So John stayed at home. He started reading another one of Alex's law books, John hoped that he hadn't noticed him reading them. He didn't read them for the law he actually only read them for Alex's annotations. It was like watching a bad movie with friends, your friend's comments are what make it fun.

Suddenly, it was midnight and Cinderella had yet to return home. 

Was John worried? Absolutely not. Was he a little concerned that Alex could have been kidnapped and murdered? Maybe. 

John was almost asleep at 2 am when the door finally knocked. 

He ran to the door like a mother whose teenager had stayed past curfew. He opened the door to a flamboyant looking guy with big hair and purple clothes and a very very intoxicated looking Alexander Hamilton. 

Alex gasped when he saw him and let out a (cute), "Jooooohn!" He broke free of the guy's grip and threw his arms around John's neck.

"Hey uh I just wanted to make sure he got home alright," The guy said, "He's had a few too many."

"Uh, yeah I can see that."

"You're probably John right?" How would he know that? "I'm Thomas."

"Well Thomas, do you live in the building? Can you get home alright?"

"Yeah, haha, I'm good just a little tipsy, unlike some people," He said, "Well see ya later John, byyye Hammy!"

"Piss off Jefferson," Alex muttered, even though it was mostly muffled by John's chest.

"Oooookay let's get you to bed party girl," John said as he closed the door and picked up Alex.

"Nooooooo I wanna lay on the couch," Alex whimpered, "Jus' like the day I got kicked off the newspaper, please?"

How could John say no to that?

So he laid Alex on the couch and then started to his bed but was stopped by a meek, "Stay?" and so he did.

He sat next to him and Alex scooted over until he could lay his head on John's lap. He looked up at him and then reached out his hand to touch John's face, "Such pretty freckles, ya' know that? So pretty"

John's felt his face heat up, he was blushing like a school girl because a boy called him pretty. What was he a cheerleader?

"John?"

"Yeah, Lex?"

"You won't leave too, right?"

 _Fuck._

"No of course not Lex."

"They all said that, promise me"

"I promise" 

Alex seemed content with that, and soon after he fell asleep. John didn't have the heart to move him, so he stayed. He played with Alex's hair and admired how sweet he looked when he was actually resting.

John fell asleep feeling happier than he had in a while. 

***

For the first time in the history of ever, John woke up before Alex. If he could he would have stayed with him for a little longer (in a totally platonic way). But sadly he had a class to go to. So, as gently as he could, moved Alex off of him. 

He left him a glass of water and an Advil and a note that read in John's shitty handwriting, 

haha guess who's hungover now?

see ya party girl

-john :)


	5. john shares his friends

Alex had never felt truly alone before. He always had a pen and paper and his own thoughts, maybe a little motivation. But he never really needed anyone.

That was until he woke up with a huge headache and no John. 

The stupid note left him happy but embarrassed, party girl? What did he do, oh god what did he say?! He downed the pain meds and then buried his head in his hands. Hopefully, he hadn't done anything stupid, he had a tendency to do that when he was drunk.

Two cups of coffee later Alex was happily working on his civics essay when someone very rudely broke into his dorm. A blur of french curly hair bounded into his room, the blur didn't even knock.

"John! Mon ami! We are here to vis- oh," The blur noticed a very startled Alex and turned into a man with poofy hair and a toothy smile, "Ooooh 'ello! You must be Alex! T'es vraiment trip mignon, mon petit monstre"

Alex, for the first time in his life, couldn't get a word in edgewise, "Je ne suis pas mignon" he mumbled.

"AAh!" The french guy squealed, "Hercules! Mon chou! He speaks French!"

Alex didn't even notice 'Hercules' walk in.

"That's great babe but are we sure Laurens even lives here?" 'Hercules' said. 

Laurens? Oh _John _Laurens.__

Alex finally found his voice, "Yeah he does, he's just, uh, in class right now I think." _Where's that smart mouth now Hamilton? ___

There was something about Hercules that scared him, just like Washington did. Maybe his daddy issues are kicking in.

"Wow well We're super sorry we really thought he would be home," Hercules said sheepishly, "I'm Hercules Mulligan and this is my boyfriend, Lafeyette. We're John's stupid friends, uh, obviously."

"Hi, I'm, uh, Alex." Alex wondered what force of nature was making it impossible to speak like an adult.

"Je suis vraiment désolé!" Lafeyette said, even though he seem very sorry because he quickly moved onto the next thing, "Est-ce que tu parles français?!"

"Oui," Alex answered, "Depuis mon enfance."

"Magnifique!" Lafeyette exclaimed, "Now we can talk about the others behind their backs!"

Hercules shot Lafeyette a disapproving glare, "Well if you know when Laurens is gonna be back we can leave and come back, we hate to impose."

Before John, he probably would have told them to fuck right off, but that damn southern charm had started to rub off on him "Oh no that's fine, I'm sure he'll be back soon if you want to stay."

Hercules looked like he was going to refuse but then Lafayette exclaimed, "Oui!"

"Okay uh we have coffee and tea, I think John has a deck of Uno cards if you want to play?"

***

If you had asked John what he was expected to come home to he would have had a few guesses. None of them would have been right.

The last thing John expected was Alex, his antisocial roommate, to be playing Uno with his highschool buddies on the floor of his dorm room. 

But alas, when he opened the door thinking he was going to be greeted by another one of Alex's famous "nods of acknowledgment" instead he was borderline assaulted by a "JOHN! MON AMI YOU ARE HOME!" 

It took a moment for John to figure out what exactly was happening and even longer to stutter out a bewildered, "Hey guys, uh, what's up?"

"What's up is your roommate keeps fucking winning!" Hercules exclaimed. 

"I won once!" Laf said, and to that Alex mumbled, "fluke."

Alex laid down a card, "Haha! And I'm gonna win again, UNO!"

What the fuck was happening.

Mulligan changed the color to yellow, but to no avail. Alex's last card was yellow, "YES hehe I AM THE UNO GOD." hmm maybe John was on drugs? He's pretty sure he wasn't but he also couldn't rule that out. 

"Not to be rude or anything, but why exactly are you guys here?" John finally asked. 

"Oh yeah I forgot we came here for a reason," Mulligan said, "Drinks are half-priced at The Place to Be and we were wondering if you wanted to go out." "The Place to Be" was their favorite bar in town, John had thrown up in their bathroom many a' time.

"Ah oui! Can we bring le petit lion?" Laf asked, John figured that Alex was "petit lion".

"I'm game, Alex?" John really wanted him to come, but also didn't want to force him.

Alex thought about it for a second, "Sorry I've given up drinking I think."

"I'll buy."

"Suddenly I'm an alcoholic."

***

They arrived at the bar, further assuring John that this was not all some weird dream. They all sat in a booth and ordered their drinks, and as promised John paid for Alex's. 

John knew that Laf was a light-weight, but now he knew that Alex was one too. Because he was only one vodka soda in when he started leaning on him. 

Herc and Laf were singing "Party in the USA" when the Thomas guy and James Madison walked in. 

John actually knew James Madison, he was in one of his gen ed courses, they actually sat next to each other. 

Alex noticed their entrance as well, and he made that known when he said, "Well if it isn't President Jefferson himself! OH and the first lady!" 

"Well hi Hamilton, how's the newspaper business? Still warming the bench?" 

"Ouch! You wound me! My heart!" John was glad that Alex took that as a joke because John really didn't want to have to beat Thomas up, he seemed kinda nice. 

"Awwe poor baby! Hi John." Thomas said shooting him a toothy smile and then walked away to a different part of the bar. 

Before following, James offered John a small wave and John returned it. The night lived on and soon John was very drunk, way drunker than Alex who had only had two of his vodka sodas. The only reason John had so much was that he was trying to keep up with Hercules who was the self-proclaimed "beer king". At some point, he draped his arm over Alex's shoulder.

"No Laf," John said, "There is no way I'm learning French so I can gossip about Herc with you and Lex."

"But for why not mon ami it's, uh, how you say, the perfect opportunity!"

"Fuck you Laf you know how to speak English."

What happened next is probably one of John's worst drunk moments. 

Some guy walked into the bar, he was really scruffy-looking. He had crooked teeth and a crooked smile and short greasy hair. When Alex saw him he stiffened against him.

"Whas wrong Lexi?"

"We need to leave John." Alex was already standing up.

"What no we're having a good time? What's going on?"

"I don't give a shit about your good time I need to get out of here," he said as he pulled on John's arm trying to get him out of the booth. 

John said a hasty goodbye to Laf and Herc and was literally pulled out of the bar. Once the cold air hit his face he tried again, "Alex? What's going on?" 

"Please shut up I really don't want to talk about it."

So he did. 

When they got back to their dorm room, John grabbed Alex's arm and desperately tried to get Alex to talk to him, "I don't understand you, Lexi, sometimes you're so nice and you put the right amount of creamer in my coffee and sometimes you're so mean and you tell me to shut up and I don't understand! Are you my friend or what?"

"Go to bed John." his words were angry but his voice just kinda sounded tired. 

John stood there for a second, drunk and sad and confused and then did as he was told.

And went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T'es vraiment trip mignon, mon petit monstre= You are very cute, my little monster  
> je ne suis pas mignon= I am not cute  
> Je suis vraiment désolé= I'm so sorry  
> Est-ce que tu parles français= Do you speak french?  
> Oui, Depuis mon enfance= Yes, ever since I was a child.
> 
> if ur french please correct me im using a combination of my 2 years of high school french class and google translate  
> also i am the KING of run-on sentences i will keep running forever u cant stop me  
> also im sorry for making alex mean for a second he'll be nice later i promise


	6. john and alex feel bad

Alex didn't sleep that night.

Not for the reasons he hadn't been sleeping before, no schoolgirl worries about "does John really like me?" or "will Washington forgive me?"

Alex had seen a painful glimpse of his past, his ex, uh, something, Charles Lee. Seeing him again hit Alex with a wave of whiplash that he couldn't recover from.

Charles Lee was his foster-brother from his last placement. Alex desperately wanted to forget everything about him. 

Then he yelled at John. Uuughhh, John didn't even know what was going on. He could have just told him that it was his shitty ex and John would've gotten Alex out of there as fast as he could. But for some reason, Alex didn't want to come out to John. John was obviously not homophobic, his best friends were literally dating, but how would he react if he knew that _Alex _was bi.__

__Would things change?_ _

Alex didn't want them to. He wanted John to keep leaving him notes. He wanted John to keep looking at him the same, whatever way that was. 

And yeah, he wanted to have more of John. But now he didn't think he could. He probably ruined that relationship last night, John was probably furious with him. Alex could explain everything and beg for forgiveness but saying sorry was not one of his strong suits. Also, he didn't want John to know about Lee, god that would be a nightmare.

Eliza would tell him that he was thinking irrationally, but Eliza wasn't there. If she had been she probably would have punched the shit out of Lee's face.

Seeing Charles in the bar was probably an omen.

When it was time for Alex to go to class John was still sleeping, he left a glass of water and an Advil. But no note. 

***

John felt lonely all the time. He was an extrovert at heart and needed someone to talk to if he was going to remain sane. 

But John had never felt more lonely than when he woke up and Alex was gone, no note. It felt like a big 'fuck you' from Alex's end, that was their thing. He didn't do their thing.

He didn't know why it hurt so bad. The memories of the night before rushed back into his head and he couldn't believe how stupid he had been. It was obvious that Alex knew that guy and it was obvious that he scared him. So why didn't John just listen? 

John felt like shit in more ways than one. 

He turned his phone on and groaned at the brightness of it. He had several missed texts from Herc and Laf.

Tailor-Swift: hey yo guys left prety quick u good?

Tailor-Swift: text me when u get home

Tailor-Swift: laurens?

Tailor-Swift: john

Tailor-Swift: joooooohn

Tailor-Swift: pls text me so i know ur alive still

Tailor-Swift: is alex ok?

John really didn't know the answer to that question. He felt kinda bad for making Mulligan worry.

Johnny-boy: yeh dad were fine alex just didnt feel good

Johnny-boy: sry for not getting back to u i was drunk ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_Good enough _John thought.__

__Surrender-man: JOhN r u ok????!!! m;y herc is very worried for u_ _

__Johnny-boy: we good :) mom_ _

__He felt bad for lying to them, he guessed that the "Alex didn't feel good" part wasn't too much a lie. It was obvious Alex didn't feel good about something, he just didn't know what._ _

Alex had never mentioned a guy like the one they saw the night before but to be fair Alex never mentioned a lot of things. As much as John wanted him to tell him about every single facet of his life, Alex didn't owe him anything. John (in a perfectly heterosexual way) just wanted to protect him from storms and the guy from the bar and anything that might make his smile go away. But Alex was no damsel. 

He was more like a rubix cube that John desperately wanted to figure out, he just wasn't very good at puzzles. 

***

Alex walked home from his class possibly feeling worse than he did when he left that morning. He wanted to reverse time and leave John five million notes detailing everything he liked about him and that he was so sorry for how he was acting. But time travel doesn't exist sadly so he was confined to being an asshole in the present and the present only.

Did John value their, well, whatever they had as much as he did? Would he really want to be besties with a scared kid who had forgotten how to express emotion correctly? Would John really miss him if he went back to "all work no play"-Alex? That's why he was in college anyway, well that and to escape from 

"Hey Tomcat, forget about me?"

The panic felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured on his head. 

All air was swept from his lungs as if he had just been punched in the stomach. He knew that voice, he never wanted to hear it again. Alex screamed for his legs to keep walking, to act as he had no idea who was talking to him. But he did, and his legs stayed put. 

"Cat got your tongue? No smart little comment?" Charles Lee mocked, "hmm I think I might deserve an award for rendering Alexander Hamilton speechless!"

Lee walked in front of him, he looked exactly like he had when he saw him in the bar and exactly like he did when Alex left.

"Really? Nothing?" He tsked, "I'm surprised kitty, you used to never stop talking, not even when we-"

"Shut up."

"He speaks! I was beginning to wonder if you had been replaced by a robot or something like that."

Alex didn't know what to do. All he wanted to do was be _home _. "Maybe I just don't want to talk to you."__

__Lee perked up at that, he should have kept his mouth shut, "Ah! There's the smartmouth I've been missing just so dearly."_ _

__"Why are you here Lee?"_ _

__"What? Just Lee? What happened to the Sweet Alex that used to call me Charlie and-"_ _

__"Why are you here?" Alex repeated, his voice wavering just a little bit._ _

__"Because I'm here to remind you of something kitty," Lee's tone shifted to a different one, one that Alex knew just a little too well, "College doesn't change who you really are. It might dress you up with bows and ribbons and job offers but you'll always stay the same. You're the same dirty foster orphan you were when your father left and your whore mother died. You're no better than me. You can't run away from that."_ _

__Every word stung, he felt like a doll that Lee was slamming against the floor._ _

__"You seriously thought I wouldn't pay you a visit Tomcat?" He started to walk away, but not before he said, "I thought you were smarter than that."_ _

__Lee left._ _

__Alex could feel the cracks he had left in his porcelain persona._ _

__With nowhere else to go and nothing else to do, Alex walked back home._ _

__***_ _

__John shouldn't be worrying, he should be writing a paper. So Alex was a little later than he usually was, so what? He was probably still mad or with Thomas and James or something like that. But still, John couldn't focus on his stupid essay._ _

__He really didn't like how they had left things. He hated feeling like Alex hated him. John decided that when he got home he would apologize for as long as it took. He just wanted Alex back how he usually was. Cold and shut-off, just like John (platonically) liked him._ _

__So when he heard the door open from inside their bedroom, he rushed to greet him. But when he saw Alex he knew immediately._ _

__Something was very wrong._ _

__"'Lex? Are you okay?"_ _

__And Alex broke._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha johns name 4 laf in his phone is "Surrender-man" cause France surrenders all the time haha funny joke  
> also things will get better i swear i just like to torture alex a little u know how it is


	7. john and alex talk things out

Alex had survived a lot. 

Alex survived his father leaving at nine. He survived working for a living and his mother dying when he was 11. He survived his cousin's suicide at 12. He survived the hurricane on St. Croix at 15. He survived countless foster homes, he survived countless beatings, he survived every word thrown his way. 

_Bastard, whoreson, smart mouth._

And just when he thought he had gotten out and left all of that behind him, it was merely the eye of the storm. And just when life had fished him out of the water, without mercy it threw him back in and suddenly he was that scared 11-year-old kid again. Lost in the storm.

_Lost._

Sometimes he looked into the mirror and only saw that kid. But sometimes he only saw his mother. Ambitious, intelligent, and _unwelding._

His mother used to always tell him his greatest weakness was his aversion to relying on anybody.

"You must be weak and vulnerable sometimes mon chaton," she would tell him, "not everyone is ton ennemi."

When she told him that for the first time Alex thought she was ridiculous. How could he do that? Relying on himself was all he knew.

_Weak and vulnerable._

Those words flooded his head as he fell into John's arms.

All the frustration of his meeting with Lee was released with a wretched sob into John's chest.

Alex cried, not just about Lee, but about everything. His mother, his father, his cousin, the storm, the childhood that had been taken from him. He cried for a long time. 

And John let him. He didn't ask a single question. He just whispered comforting things and rubbed his back and stroked his hair. Just like his mother used to. 

When Alex ran out of tears he managed to get out a, "I'm...so sorry John."

Alex felt John take a long breath and then held him a little tighter than he did before, "I know Lex, I'm sorry too."

And all was forgiven. 

***

Alex felt hollow after.

His head hurt and his eyes hurt and his face was swollen. He was mentally, emotionally, and physically dehydrated. 

John had sat him down on the couch and then went to the sink to get him some water. Alex felt like a child because he didn't want to leave John's arms. They were apart for maybe 10 minutes but it felt like forever. 

He handed Alex the glass and sat next to him. They sat in comfortable silence while Alex finished the water, and when he was done John patted his lap and Alex laid his head on it. Just like he had when he was drunk and he asked if John would ever leave him.

Alex hoped that maybe they just wouldn't talk about it. But he couldn't just keep using John as some sort of emotion crutch without any explanation on his part. 

John rubbed Alex's arm up and down, "You have to tell me what happened 'Lex."

He knew that he was right. 

"The guy in the bar was my abusive ex-boyfriend." Maybe if he just laid everything out there right away this would be over sooner. 

John stopped rubbing his arm for a split second. _Fuck_ Alex thought _he hates me he's disgusted by me he doesn't want to be my roommate anymore what am I gonna-_

"Fuck 'Lex I'm so sorry." _What?_ "If I would've known I would have gotten you out of the bar so fast-"

"I know John, no more sorrys please," he just had to get through it, "The bar didn't even matter, he found me on my way home."

"What happened?"

"He-" Alex never felt less articulate in his life, "He told me that college isn't gonna change, uh, change who I really am."

"And who are you?"

He didn't want to tell him, because what if what Lee said was true. What if that was all he was.

Nevertheless, "A, uh, A dirty orphan smart mouth."

John squeezed his arm but remained silent. He didn't say anything for a long time. 

"I'm gonna fucking kill him."

Alex had only seen this John once before when Burr called him a "fucking idiot" and he told him to leave. He didn't understand John's anger at the time, people called him a "fucking idiot" all the time. And he didn't understand it now. Why should John be angry?

"Why?"

"Because that's not who you are 'Lex. You're way more than that." 

"No, I'm not"

John let out a frustrated sigh, "Okay cool, so my mom is dead and my father disowned me, is that all I am?"

_Holy Shit._

"N-no."

"Okay, so that way of thinking shouldn't be applied to you either." John continued, "Who you were and what happened to you when you were a kid shouldn't define who you are now. You're a lot of things Alex, and yeah maybe an orphan is one of them. But you're also so smart and quick-witted and passionate and clever. And if Lee looks past all those things and only sees where you came from he's stupid and that's his fucking loss."

For the first time in his life, Alex's mind flipped to autopilot. 

He lifted his head up from John's lap and locked eyes with him. 

They stayed like that for a minute, a weird quiet staring contest. 

And Alex was pretty sure he was imagining it but he could swear John started to lean in. But then again he couldn't be positive. That was until John cupped his jaw and started to bring Alex's face towards his. 

All remnants of intelligent thought sorrowly departed Alex's head, it was replaced with a constant stream of _ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodholyshitholyshitohmygod._

When their lips were almost touching John stopped. Alex could feel his every breath. He absorbed the smell of old spice and laundry detergent that was just so _John._ He desperately wanted him to just kiss him already, but then the worst thing in the world happened. 

Others may argue WW2 was the worst thing to happen, and others may argue that it was definitely 911. But Alex would argue to the end of his days the worst thing to ever happen in the history of ever, was when the stupid fucking doorbell rang.

John pulled back and Alex was instantly colder. He desperately wanted to go back to the world that was just them where no one else existed and doorbells weren't a thing. John's eyes flicked around, obviously trying to figure out what to do. 

He left Alex on the couch and answered the door. 

"Ah! Mon ami! Mon Hercules has sent me to check up on the two of you because you left so suddenly yesterday! Herc said that you could be, oh how you say, kidnapped and murdered," Laf paused, "My John? Are you sure you are okay? Your face is pretty red."

Alex actually really liked Laf. He was fun and friendly and it was nice to have someone that also spoke your native language. But God, Alex never wanted anything more than for Laf to fuck off back to France.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im basing his age assuming he was born in 1757 cause were not super sure when he was born 
> 
> mon chaton= my kitten  
> ton ennemi= your enemy
> 
> i dunno why i keep using cat references with alex it just kinda fits lol  
> also i just learned how to work the html text so i really do just making everything italicized
> 
> also HAH duked you out


	8. john has a big gay crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPER NICE COMMENTS!!!! i appreciate them a lot they make me smile and blush because you're all just so nice

John was a simple man with simple wants and simple needs.

And what he simply needed at that moment was to make out with his roommate on their gross couch. 

But the universe could never just let him have what he wanted.

"I'm fine Laf, just a little warm." _'just a little warm'_ fucking stupid.

"That is good, is your Alex okay?"

 _His_ Alex.

"Yeah he's fine, he just didn't feel very good yesterday that's all."

"Oh okay," Laf thought for a second, "If he's feeling better you could both come to ours? We could play a, uh, how you say, board game!"

 _How can I get out of this?_ he thought

"Sorry Laf, I have a paper to write," technically not a lie, "and Alex still is a little sick," definitely a lie.

"Oh, okay. Well please visit us soon mon ami, me and my Herc we worry for you, you know! And bring le petit lion when he feels better! À toute à l'heure!" 

"Bye Laf," and he left.

John closed the door and leaned against it. He looked at Alex who was obviously very uncomfortable and currently focusing entirely on the hem of his shirt. He wondered if he could return to their world, where it was just Alex and John and no one else. 

But as much as he wanted to, John decided that the moment was over, and attempting to return to it would only result in awkwardness.

So he disappeared into their room only to return bearing gifts. John brought one of his own sweatshirts and a blanket.

"You should take a nap, 'Lex," John told him gently, "you need some rest."

Alex hummed in agreement. John handed him the sweatshirt and blanket and left a kiss on his forehead. 

John felt his lips linger, if not only for a second, and then returned to their bedroom. 

To finish that blasted paper.

***

Surprise, surprise John still couldn't finish the stupid thing. It was like a greater power was super against him getting anything done. 

Because he realized one simple fact. Alex was a _guy_ and he almost kissed him. And he had wanted to kiss him, really really wanted to kiss him.

But he was a _guy_.

God his father would've been pissed, he disowned him for merely associating with the "unnatural homosexuals." That almost made John want to kiss Alex _more_.

This still racked his brain, John had always been the "straight friend". He had always been with girls and he had liked being with girls. Was he really gay this whole time and been lying to himself, or is Alex some sort of weird exception? Did he actually really like Alex or was this some sort of college rebellious phase he was going through?

So in a moment of flawed judgment, he texted the first gay person he could think of. 

Johnny-boy: how do you know if you like guys

Tailor-swift: uuuuuh okay were doing this now huh

Tailor-swift: do you like a guy?

Johnny-boy: maybe

Johnny-boy: yes

Tailor-swift: then you probably like guys

Johnny-boy: but i like girls tho

Tailor-swift: bi people exist john

***

In the other room, Alex wasn't in fact asleep. He would have jumped off a cliff if John asked him to but he could just not shut his brain off. He was literally wearing John's sweatshirt, and he was expected to not freak out about it? Impossible. 

The sweatshirt was way too big for him, which made sense because Alex was way smaller than John. It smelt so much like him, like old spice deodorant, which is the weirdest thing to be attracted to but Alex couldn't help it.

He wondered if his head had constructed that whole thing, did John really just almost kiss him? Or was he finally going fucking crazy?

He didn't get to think about it very long when John burst through the bedroom door.

Alex forgot he was supposed to be sleeping when he asked, "Where are you going?"

"Walk."

_Uh, what the fuck?_

Were they on monosyllabic terms now?

***

It was less a walk and more a quest to find anywhere but his dorm to have his dramatic gay crisis. Bi crisis?

He didn't know anymore, he was second questioning everything. Was he even attracted to girls?! He had plenty of girlfriends in high school. Yeah none of them were serious but he was pretty sure he was attracted to them, or was he only dating them because of the societal pressures put on him because he was a football player? 

Why couldn't he just date Alex and not freak out about it? That required Alex to actually like him, which he wasn't super sure of either. When they almost kissed like an hour earlier it was John who leaned in, Alex did seem like he was into it but he might have just been panicking wondering "why is he so close to me right now". And sure Alex was at least bi but that didn't mean that he was automatically attracted to John of all people. 

And then John saw him. He saw the guy from the bar. He saw Charles Lee, the guy who had made his Alex cry. Suddenly all thoughts exited his mind except for one.

_How fucking dare he show his face where Alex could still be hurt by him? And John could still kick his ass?_

"Hey!" John barked acting purely on impulse.

Lee jumped and then turned to look at him. His confused expression soon twisted into a crooked smile. _Fucking weasel._

"Oh, you're that guy that the Tomcat was with at the bar," _Tomcat?_ " What are you? His guard dog? Sad."

"What, sadder that lurking around a college campus that you don't go to just so you can stalk your ex?"

"Funny, I see why he keeps you around," He started to walk a little closer to him, "But just so you know, he'll never actually like you. Because you're just a replacement for me, and I was a replacement for his father." 

"He likes me!" John retorted, mostly for himself.

"Oh, I see, you're no guard dog," Lee was right in his face, "you're my kitty's new _lap_ dog, god who knew Alex could be _such. a. whore_."

John liked to think of himself as a lover, not a fighter. Hercules fought people all the time when high school bullies would pick on Laf, and John never got it. Why couldn't Herc just brush it off, violence was never the answer.

In a split-second, he understood Mulligan perfectly. It was somewhere between Lee calling Alex "his kitty" and a "whore" when violence was not just the answer but the only option.

So John punched him in the jaw. Lee huffed and touched his face, and then swiftly hit back. 

They fought for a while, but John didn't feel any of the punches or kicks or blows that Lee laid on him. He only felt his blood boil when he thought of the fact that Lee thought that Alex was his, like he was some sort of screwed up object that Lee had called dibs on. Alex belonged to no one. 

After he gave John a bloody nose and busted lip, Lee ran away like a fucking coward. 

John stood there by himself for a minute. 

Then he started back home. 

*** 

A-dot-Hammy: He just left Eliza!!!!!!!!! Wtf am I supposed to do? Go after him? 

Eliza-:): Okay what did he say exactly?

A-dot-Hammy: He said he was going on a walk

A-dot-Hammy: well actually he just said the word walk

Eliza-:): I'm sure he's just clearing his head, don't worry!:)))))

A-dot-Hammy: What if he's mad at me???? Elizaaaaaaa!!!!!

Eliza-:): Right now, just calm down and try to clear your head. When John gets back, talk to him. 

A-dot-Hammy: What if I can't talk to him?

Eliza-:): Alex you literally never stop talking.

Eliza-:): Sorry that sounded kinda mean!!! Just kidding:) I'm sure everything will work out:) just try to focus on something else!

She said that like it was the easiest thing in the world. Alex couldn't think of anything that wasn't John and how he was probably upset with him. 

All he could do was just wait for him to come home. It was torture. 

He was gone for almost an hour when there was a very slow knock on the door. Since John wasn't there, Alex got it.

It was his John, bloody and beaten. Alex looked him up and down observing every single injury before locking eyes with him.

Neither of them moved for what felt like years. Quiet staring contest. 

And then John grabbed his face, crossed the threshold, and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> À toute à l'heure!= see you later
> 
> also i am a grade a whore for sharing clothes thats all
> 
> other fic writers: deep emotion metaphors and powerful comparisons that make sense and make the relationship seem more genuine
> 
> me: lol alex is a cat and john is a dog ruf ruf contrast
> 
> also the hardest thing about writing this fic was coming up with clever contact names for them and deciding how they text
> 
> can u notice that im bad at writing fight scenes ://////


	9. hercules figures things out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im listening to cats while writing his chapter so if it comes out a little weird that's why sorry bout it

From an outsider's perspective, the kiss was not a good one. Actually it was kind of gross, John literally had blood all over his face. 

But to Alex, it was probably the best kiss he had ever had in his entire life. Fairytale status. Phenomenally life-changing. Alex was absolute putty in his hands. John tilted his head a little so their faces would fit together perfectly and worked his hands into Alex's hair. He led him fully into their dorm and kicked the door shut behind them. Alex wrapped his arms around John's neck and pulled them (if possible) closer together. It was only when John opened his mouth to bite Alex's bottom lip did Alex taste the distinct taste of pennies and remembered, _oh yeah, John just got the shit beat out of him_.

Alex pulled away to ask, "What the fuck happened?"

John looked dazed for a second and tilted his head. Alex could see the light bulb turn on above his head when he too realized, _oh yeah I just got the shit beat out of me_.

"I ran into Lee." He answered, like that explained everything. 

"So you beat him up?" 

"Well, we talked for a bit before but basically yeah."

Alex started to giggle at the utter ridiculousness of that. Soon John was laughing too not for the same reason that Alex was, he was just so happy and had no other way to show it. They rested their foreheads on the others and just basked in their Alex and John world for a second. Then Alex remembered once again that John was literally bleeding. 

He sat him down on their couch and went to get a rag and bandaid. Maybe a few bandaids.

This time when he looked in the mirror he didn't see a scared kid or his mother, he just saw a person that John Laurens wanted to kiss. He also saw a person that had John Lauren's blood smeared on his face. Eeyuck.

He sat down next to John real close, because now he had permission. He figured once you have someone else's blood on your face you should be comfortable enough with them to basically sit in their lap. 

Alex slowly started dabbing his face with the rag, "Seriously what happened with Lee?"

"We had tea and an intelligent conversation, and then we punched each other," that earned a look that said _stop fucking around_.

John took in a slow breath, "He, uh, he called you a whore 'Lex."

"What so you punched him? I've been called a whore so many times it doesn't even matter anymore." 

"First of all that's not good and makes me want to punch him way more," he continued, "Second of all he kept talking like you belonged to him, like you were his. It, uh, pissed me off."

"Like I belonged to him?" Alex parroted.

"Yes!" John exclaimed, "It's crazy talk! You don't belong to anyone, not even me. You're a fucking person."

Alex was always someone's, at least in romantic relationships. A man had never treated him like this, but it was just second nature to John. The men that Alex dated always took and took and took until he didn't have anything else to give. And then it was over. It was exhausting. 

John was like a fresh cup of coffee. 

"You know that right?" John asked him, Alex realized that he hadn't responded, "Whatever this is gonna be it isn't gonna be like whatever you had with Lee."

"I know," and he did know because John wasn't Lee. John was John. John was lovely beautiful John. He paused for a second, just soaking in the moment, and then hurried to clean the rest of the blood off John's face so it wouldn't be totally weird for him to kiss him again. 

***

Hercules Mulligan was a lot of things, but he wasn't blind and he certainly wasn't stupid.

He could tell something was going on with John, he could sense it. After being friends with John for a couple of years there were things you just knew about him. You knew when he was upset, you knew when he was lying, and you knew when he was hiding something. 

And after the weird gay crisis texts and the one time when Herc and Laf showed up to John's dorm unannounced and Alex answered the door wearing John's sweatshirt (it was obviously John's by the way, it was way too big for Alex and it literally said "South Carolina" on it) Hercules assumed that Alex was involved somehow.

One night when they were laying in Herc's bed he asked Laf's opinion.

"Mon amour they are clearly in love!"

"Love?! Oh, I don't know about that."

Laf chuckled, "If they are not in love now they will be soon, the french can sense these things, you know."

Like the meddling Frenchman Laf prided himself to be, he suggested that they invite Alex and John to go get lunch with them. Hercules wasn't the type that liked sticking his nose in other people's affairs, but also he really really wanted to know what was going on. 

So the four of them sat in a shitty diner.

There was a sort of awkward air surrounding them that all of them noticed but Laf, who was having the time of his life. He slyly suggested that they sit in a booth and the couple did not fail to notice how close Alex and John were sitting. A little closer than "just friends" did that's for sure. Laf kept sending Herc glances that said _how you say, I told you so_.

After a little bit of pleasant conversation and a little bit of tension, Laf let out a long dramatic frustrated sigh.

"OH I can't hold it in anymore," _This can't be good_ , "I must know! Ugh, I forgot the English word for this, oh, you two are niques, non?"

Alex, the only other french speaker at the table, turned bright red and choked on the water he had been sipping on.

"No! Jesus Laf!" He exclaimed. 

Both John and Herc shot questioning looks at their booth-mates because Jesus christ not everyone is a bi-linguist. Alex leaned over and whispered something to John, who soon gasped and mirrored Alex's shocked expression.

"Oh my god no Laf," John cleared his throat, "we are not doing, uh, that."

And like so many times before, poor Hercules was left out of the loop. He hated all of them, He hated John for sure, He hated Laf sometimes, and Alex was on some thin fucking ice.

"Are you sure?" Laf said with a smirk.

"Yes!" John and Alex said in unison.

"We just kiss sometimes," John mumbled and Alex jerked his head around and gaped at him. This was obviously not something they had planned on disclosing.

"AAHHA I knew it!" Laf exclaimed punching the air, "See mon amour I told you!"

John and Alex looked mortified. Hercules was mortified for them.

Laf was just stoked his french instincts were right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> niques, non?= are fucking, no?
> 
> did i research french conjugation for that interaction? that's a secret ill never tell. is it probably still wrong? yeah.
> 
> also im not trying to shame anyone who is into the whole "belonging to someone" thing alex just isn't into it and his partners never cared and that's why its toxic.


	10. john and alex talk to their fathers

If there was one thing that John was proud of, it was that Alex slept a lot more. Well, he didn't sleep as much as a normal person but there were no more all-nighters and no more coffee-Redbulls consumed. Every night after Alex was done with whatever he was working on, it was an unspoken agreement that he would climb into John's bed. It was a small single but they didn't mind. Alex's loft was basically just a desk now.

John woke up one morning with Alex's arm draped over him and his head nuzzled into his neck. He could tell that he was still asleep because he could feel Alex's even breath against his skin. John wondered why everyone didn't just get with their roommate.

Alex stirred and then dug his face deeper into the crook of John's neck. Then he sat upright and looked at John with the grumpiest expression in the world. If there was one thing that John had learned over the past weeks that they had been sleeping together it was that Alex was the world's worst morning person. 

He could have looked at John with any expression but he wouldn't have noticed. He was too busy admiring the perfect combination of sleepy eyes and messy black hair and the little bit of collarbone that was showing under the oversized t-shirt Alex was wearing.

"What are you looking at, punk?" Alex muttered with the most perfect morning voice.

John didn't realize that he was supposed to respond to that because the only thought his mind could muster was _cutecutecutecutecute._

"John?"

"Oh sorry, just thinking"

"What were you thinking about?"

"You."

Alex blushed, "Psh, shut up." and then laid back down.

John drew little circles with his fingers on Alex's shoulder, "You have class today?"

"No, you?"

"No." _thanks universe,_ "Do you want to watch Netflix?"

Alex hummed, "no, I think we should just lay in bed all day."

"Who are you and what did you do with Alexander Hamilton?"

"What can I say, you've ruined my work ethic, Laurens."

John chuckled, "Oh, we're on a last name basis now?"

"Perhaps."

He would've laid in bed with Alex forever, but he also wanted to watch Community.

"Netflix?"

Alex groaned.

"I'll make you coffee."

"Hmmmmmm fine."

***

They were cuddled under a blanket watching John's old laptop when someone knocked at the door. Alex was gonna nail a sign that said "Keep Out" on the door. Maybe get a moat. With alligators.

John kissed the side of his forehead and then got up to get it, just like the old days.

Alex didn't pay attention to the conversation John was having until he heard John say, "Well you're not gonna yell at him again are you?" He assumed the him was, well, him. So he got off the couch and approached the visitor like a deer walking onto a busy road expecting to live.

Much to Alex's dismay, it was Washington. His literal boss. Sorry, his literal boss that literally fired him. 

"Sir?" He interrupted, "Why are you, uh, here?"

Washington chuckled, "Alexander! It's good to see you, we need to talk. Can you step outside for just a minute."

Bam, the deer was hit by a car. This was _the last_ conversation he wanted to have right now. All he wanted was to watch Netflix with John on their day off.

But it was a conversation Alex needed to have, "Okay, sir." and followed him into the hallway.

Alex prepared himself for what Washington was probably going to tell him, which was that he was fired for good. Washington was gonna pick Alex up off of the bench and throw him into the fucking sun and then set the bench on fire. 

"We need you back Mr. Hamilton."

 _Uuuuuuuh what?_ he thought. 

"Uuuuuuuh what?" he said.

Washington laughed again, "I want to apologize for kicking you off the newspaper team and humbly ask if you would consider rejoining."

_Uh, duh._

"The articles the other's have been writing, uh, how do I say this, lack the fire that you bring to the table," Hah, fire was one way to put it, "and I believe that Mr. Jefferson mostly plays off you, son."

"Don't-"

"Sorry sorry, a force of habit." Washington's eyes crinkled as he smiled at him, "But seriously Alexander, please consider coming back and writing for us again."

***

Inside the dorm room, John was probably more of a nervous wreck than Alex was.

He was worried about what Washington was going to say, things definitely didn't go well the last time he showed up at their dorm.

Seriously why didn't he just ask Alex to stay after class like a normal professor, he interrupted Netflix time. 

The door opened, "Yes of course sir, I'll see you then." John got up off the couch to meet Alex halfway.

John waited for the door to fully shut before he asked, "So?"

"He wants me back on the team," Alex looked so happy it made John's heart ache. 

"He wants you back on the team!" They dissolved into relieved giggles. John wrapped his arms around Alex's waist, lifted him up, and twirled around. 

Once Alex was firmly on the ground again John kissed him more passionately than he ever had before. 

When it came to Alex and John every kiss felt like their first. It felt better than any movie kiss or any Disney princess kiss or even Jess and Nick's first kiss on New Girl. They fit together better than any two puzzle pieces in the world, and when they kissed it just reaffirmed that. 

Yeah, Alex going back on the newspaper definitely meant that John would see him less. But being on the newspaper made Alex happy, and that's what truly mattered. 

***

The next day when John was walking home from his late class he ran into the one and only Thomas Jefferson.

"Hiya John," Thomas was wearing a sly grin that strangely reminded him of Laf.

"Hey Thomas."

"A little birdy told me you and Hammy finally tied the knot." _like, married?_

"How do you know that?" 

Thomas looked at his nails. "People talk Jacky."

"What People?" First of all, no one had called him "Jacky" since he was a nine. Secondly, it wasn't like he didn't want people to know, John just didn't have any friends except for Hercules and 

"Laf," _damned Frenchman._

"Since when are you two friends?"

"I speak french," _oh_. "But seriously, I don't know what you're doing to that kid but he seems a lot happier. Way more human and a lot less Hamilton-ey. Maybe he had just needed to get laid this whole time."

John wanted to retort but then he realized that this was just how Thomas paid someone a compliment, "Thanks, Jefferson."

"No, thank you, Jack," he winked and then strutted away. _Hmm, weird guy_. 

John continued his trek home pondering what Thomas had told him. _But he seems a lot happier_ , god he hoped.

He received a phone call as he walked down the hall that their dorm lived. The caller was unknown, which John would've normally declined outright, but a small strange part of his brain urged him to _pick up_.

So he did.

The caller was quiet for a second and then a threadbare voice asked for "John?"

No _no_. No fucking way.

John considered hanging up, he considered throwing his phone out of the window, he considered running to his room, taking Alex's hand, stealing a car, and then running away to somewhere no one could ever find them.

But he couldn't. The past had come to his door and knocked on it and John had to answer and deal with it. 

So he answered and dealt with it. 

"Father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot? no! just sweet paragraphs about them sleeping in the same bed also i will not be writing smut cause that's not something i would like to do just assume that its happening
> 
> i put Thomas in this chapter cause i missed him i am literally in love with daveed diggs's Tommy j so i couldn't bear writing him as the villain because i just like him so much i just think hes neat


	11. alex comforts john this time

Every time John had a night class Alex always waited up for him. It wasn't hard because he was always awake anyway, but that day Alex felt himself get tired before John had made his way back. He checked the time, 11 pm, first of all, he was really being thrown off his night owl game, and second of all, John was at least an hour late.

It was coffee time. It was also _where the fuck is John_ time.

It was hard not to worry about him, John had never been late before. He reassured himself that John was surely fine but he just couldn't stop thinking about it. The .1% chance that he was in any sort of harm actually threw Alex's focus and prevented him from writing anything else of value. _Seriously?_ He had just gotten his position back and now he was hitting an emotion roadblock. What kind of sick mind game was the universe trying to pull on him? And what did he do to deserve it?

Maybe he was with Herc and Laf? If so why hadn't he asked Alex to come with him? Maybe he was with Jefferson and Madison? No that would just be weird. Maybe he was just overreacting.

Alex finally remembered that he didn't live in the 18th century and cell phones existed.

Lexi: Hey, when do you think you'll be home?

Alex set his phone on his desk and tried to focus back on the article he had been working on, it didn't seem to interest him that much anymore. 

He went from waiting patiently to waiting to not waiting at all. He didn't have Laf or Herc's phone number but Laf had told him what room was their's, it wouldn't hurt to ask them if they had seen him. And if they hadn't John might respond to their texts.

He worried for a split-second whether he was maybe overreacting. John had only been late an hour and a half at that point and there could be a perfectly good explanation for it. But John wasn't the kind that let you worry for him, he would have told Alex if he was going to be late.

Alex figured that it wouldn't hurt to go looking for him, even if everything was okay. 

For some reason, he was sure something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut, and Alex's gut was rarely wrong about anything. 

***

John never got Alex's text, or maybe he did. He didn't notice. 

He was too busy _freaking the fuck out_.

John was sat against the wall of the hallway in the exact spot he had gotten the call. The call from his _father_. The man who had kicked him out at 18 and left him to couch surf until college because John believed that people should be able to love who they want. The man who publically acted as if he had never existed had called asking for forgiveness. 

_Forgiveness._ Fucking imagine that.

The little devil on his shoulder showed him all the times his father had fucked him up. It showed him the public appearances, his mother's funeral, the way his father reacted to John's request to go into veterinary science, the belt. 

The little angel just showed him his birth certificate. He was Henry's son. After his mother died his father is the family he has left. His mother would've wanted them to reconcile. 

John couldn't decide which way to go. Every time he had thought he was going to head down a certain path, he came up with 5 more reasons why he shouldn't

So he sat on the hallway floor and spiraled for an hour. It wasn't very fun and John didn't think he would be taking it up as any kind of hobby. He didn't notice when his phone got Alex's text, he didn't notice when people stared at him as they walked by, and he didn't notice Alex calling his name when he found him.

John felt like he was trapped in some sort of sound-proof bubble with little to no air. He couldn't see or feel or hear anything other than his thoughts that were starting to consume him. The thought of reuniting with his father had forced kaleidoscope goggles onto his face and everything was distorted and vague and _messed up_

He didn't even know that Alex was there until he touched John's shoulder, effectively popping the bubble. He instinctively flinched at his touch because to John right then everything felt like too much. Alex immediately backed away from him. 

"John? Love? I don't know what happened but please just let me take you back to the dorm." Alex was crying.

Everything still felt a bit smudged but John understood what was being asked of him, so he nodded. 

Alex touched him again, only to help him up, but then returned to the distance between them.

They walked back to the dorm in silence. He felt the way Alex's eyes were locked on him like he was going to collapse or explode at any moment.

***

Alex was fucking terrified. He was concerned when he found John in the hallway but became downright hysterical when he refused to respond to him. Panic filled his lungs and made it hard to breathe, Jesus he almost had a mental breakdown too. But he knew that he had to _pull himself together_ because he needed to be there for John right now. John was always there for him, even at the beginning, so this was his turn. 

Alex planned on sitting John down on the couch, just like he had so many times before, but John didn't even make it that far. He leaned on the door and slid down onto the floor. 

When he was in the hallway John didn't have any expression at all. It was like he was in some sort of trance, that's what freaked Alex out so much. He would have begged for John to cry because he knew how to handle sad. Alex had no idea how to handle no emotion at all. 

But on the floor of there dorm, John finally responded to whatever had made him so upset. His body curled in on itself, his knees kissed his face and his hands entangled themselves into his curly hair. Alex had never seen him look _so small_ and he never wanted to see him like that again. John gasped and started to breathe heavily like he was sobbing but there were no tears. It was the strangest thing Alex had ever seen, it was like he was not allowing himself to cry. 

Alex sat on the floor next to him, still keeping his distance. He had _no idea_ what to do. John always touched him and that worked on Alex instantly but he didn't want to make him flinch again. 

"John? Can I touch you?" 

He nodded yes.

Alex crawled into the space between John's legs and cupped his face. John looked like a scared child. He counted and breathed with him, just like they did during the storm. 

It seemed to calm him down and he finally stopped dry-crying. "Oh John, what happened?"

John shook his head no. 

Alex wrapped his arms around his torso and rested his chin on John's shoulder. "You don't have to tell me I just want to make sure you're okay." John hugged him back after a few seconds of quiet.

They stayed like that for a while. Alex wished he could creep into John's mind and figure out what had affected him in this way. Then he could send whoever the culprit was a strongly worded letter. 

John finally cut into the silence, "My father called. He wants me to go back to South Carolina for the holiday," his voice was quiet and frayed.

Alex didn't understand until he remembered, _"Okay cool, so my mom is dead and my father disowned me, is that all I am?"_ Oh.

"Do you want to go?" Alex whispered.

No response.

"You don't need to."

"I know I don't 'Lex," The nickname made him feel like a million fireworks were going off in his chest, because this was still the same John that he loved, "But I think I have to."

"Why?"

"Because my mother would've wanted me to."

Alex didn't know shit about fathers cause he never had one, but he did have a certain amount of experience with mothers.

"Would she have wanted you to get hurt like this?"

John didn't respond again, the air was thick around them.

"Even if she didn't it doesn't matter anyway," John muttered, "I have unfinished business with him. I need to at least finish that part of my life instead of just letting him haunt me forever. Then everything can be okay again."

They stayed there for a little longer until Alex asked if they could move to their bed. John laid his head on Alex's chest and Alex stroked his hair. 

Alex didn't let himself drift off until he was sure that John was asleep.

Asleep and safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is no plot just hurt/comfort because it makes my chest hurt
> 
> end notes is not a place for notes its for memes also i realized that my titles basically spoil the whole chapter but they all look the same there's a theme i cant stop wont stop


	12. alex and john go out for drinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont read this it's purely self-indulgent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important!! this chapter will have some spicy moments in it so if that makes you uncomfortable it's okay u can skip this chapter!! there won't be very much plot and it will be kinda short maybe ill recap at the beginning of next chapter. it wont be explicit or anything just a little spice and vague mentions of sex.

John had made his decision, he was going to try to reconcile with his father even though he doesn't want to.

But that didn't mean that he wasn't gonna mope about it. 

He could tell that Alex was getting kind of annoyed with his moping. Alex just wanted to get things done and it was clear that the rain cloud above John's head was getting him wet too. John was constantly laying around and asking to cuddle and wanting a kiss and it was quite a distraction for him. Alex wanted to indulge John and cheer him up but he also wanted to get his article done. 

He finally reached the edge on a Friday night when Alex was editing one of Thomas's articles on the couch and John was sitting next to him wrapped in a blanket burrito. 

"Leeeeexi," John whined. 

"What is it, love?"

"I don't know." Alex looked up from his laptop and shot John an incredulous look, "I just wanted your attention."

Alex blinked at him and then slammed his laptop shut, "We're going out."

"What?!" John said as he watched Alex get up off the couch and go into their bedroom. 

"We're going out John," Alex said through the thin wall, "You need it, text Herc and Laf and see if they can come."

"They can't they're visiting Herc's parents this weekend."

"Okay, I'll text my friends."

"Thomas Jefferson?!" John whined, "Whyyyy, you'll just yell at each other the whole night."

"I'll tell him to bring James Madison." Alex returned to the living room wearing one of John's jumpers and jeans, "Get up and get dressed I won't be seen with you if you're wearing gym shorts."

So John begrudgingly got up and changed.

***

When they got to the bar Alex and John sat at a booth and waited for Jefferson and Madison. Soon Alex got a text from Jefferson. 

Mr-President: hey ham were gonna be l8 lmao

Mr-President: lol James says sorry i am not tho

"Oh my God 'Lex," John said in a low voice, bringing Alex out of his phone. 

"What?" 

"Look, right over there," Alex looked around but didn't see anything but drunk college children. 

Alex looked a John confused but then John put his hands on his face and moved it too look into a dark corner of the bar. 

"Jesus Christ," It was Samuel Seabury, straddling someone Alex didn't know and kissing that person's neck. But that was not the important part. The person Sam was shamelessly making out with was a _guy_.

Samuel Seabury, the guy who Alex had gotten into so many heated discussions about homosexuality with, the guy that Alex almost got fired over, was low-key grinding on some _guy_ in a bar.

Alex's jaw dropped into a wide smile and turned to John who had a pleased smile on his face, "Oh my god, is it Christmas?"

"What's up whores!" Jefferson said as he and Madison sat across from them. They didn't even notice them come in they were too busy finding out that Seabury was **gay**.

"Nothing," as much of an asshole that Seabury was Alex wasn't gonna out him, "Waiting on your late asses."

"Awwwe I missed you too Hammy!"

John smiled and waved at Madison and Madison gave him a little wave back. _Cute_.

There were many heated discussions between Alex and Jefferson, Alex was too busy talking to drink but John sure wasn't. He was hitting the beers hard which wasn't unusual but Alex always thought he was trying to compete with Hercules. Madison was drinking an orange soda cause he knew how to fucking party.

Alex was mid-making fun of Jefferson's fruity drink when John grabbed his knee under the table. It sent electricity through his body but it didn't throw a wrench in his insult. 

Slowly throughout the night, John moved his hand up his leg until he was firmly gripping his inner-thigh. Alex talked less and less but it was unnoticed because Jefferson was a notorious sleepy drunk and wasn't offering him anything to argue with. Thomas's arm was draped over Madison's shoulder and Madison was talking with John about the class they apparently had together. John was frustratingly unphased while Alex was frustratingly flustered. 

Thomas was literally asleep on Madison's shoulder when James said his goodbyes and shook Jefferson awake so he didn't have to carry him home. 

John and Alex stayed in the booth for a little longer. They didn't talk about anything important, Alex was trying to finish his vodka-soda and John had started running his hand up and down his inner thigh. 

Then John leaned over and nibbled on his ear, Alex had to suppress a gasp. 

"Let's go home, yeah?" he whispered, his voice deep and rich. 

Alex had forgotten all the words and both languages that he had learned during his life so he just nodded. 

All the way home John held his hand, rubbing his thumb in circles on Alex's wrist. 

Immediately after their dorm room's door was shut, Alex was pushed against a wall and John's mouth was on his. The kissing was sloppy and desperate and Alex could taste the beers that John had been pounding at the bar. 

John bit his lip causing Alex to let out a very embarrassing squeak. That seemed to cheer John on because he moved both his hands to Alex's waist and pulled him close until their bodies were pressed together. 

Without hesitation, John moved to kiss his neck. Alex felt his lips bite and suck all over and it was driving him crazy. He nibbled a little area right between his ear and the end of his jawline and apparently it was _the spot_ because Alex forgot to suppress the "please John!" that escaped his lips.

John pulled away and looked at him head-on. Alex worried for a split-second if he had made it weird, but John's eyes looked like they had the word "lust" written on their dilated pupils. Even though he knew that John was into it he was still embarrassed because he was _panting_.

"Please what?" John said with a tone that made Alex's face set on fire and every part of his body go into panic mode. He tried to come up with any kind of witty response but his brain was filled with fuzz. 

When a response didn't come John looked at him with a mischievous grin. Suddenly Alex was picked up off the ground and moved to their kitchenette. John put him down on one of their counters. He filled the space between Alex's legs. John placed one hand on the small of his back and the other gripped his hair. John's kiss filled Alex up and made him complete. He had never felt this way with another person. 

All the times he had been with other guys it was like a fistfight that Alex always lost. It was a struggle for dominance and some sort of messed-up form of respect. Alex always ended up feeling used and emptier inside.

But being with John felt like a dance. It was kind of like a waltz, even though John did take the lead everything was balanced. It was comfortable and safe and easy and a little awkward, I mean who doesn't step on their dance partners feet from time to time. Sex with John wasn't thrilling or kinky and extra steamy but it was truly the best Alex had ever had because it was so clear the entire time that they had chosen each other. Alex didn't feel anything but loved when it was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u don't support John Laurens James Madison quiet boyfriend solidarity u dont support me
> 
> lil break from the angst for whatever the fuck this is i probably didn't need a disclaimer but i dont want anyone to feel uncomfy :( also kitchenette is such a cute word
> 
> me: im not writing smut
> 
> me like 3 chapters later: googling what qualifies as smut


End file.
